Perspective

There has been a lot of wild fires lately in Texas and this morning when i went outside there was a distinct smoky smell to the air. It took me straight back to my 2 week trip in India and it baffled me to think that at the end of next month it will have been a year. The Lord has taught me so much since then. The whole day today i kept going back to how faithful the Lord has been to me. The girl who almost didn't graduate high school, almost dropped out of college ended up going to a private Christian university when all the odds were against her, graduated and is seriously thinking of going to Masters. All because i surrendered my will for my life and followed His will for me. And it has all been in His hands every step of the way. He has never let me go. I still can't believe how much i have changed since walking in the doors of my first class at DBU. I was so hurt by the world i let change my life, isolating myself from pretty much every body. I had the 'don't help me, i can do it myself' mentality and never ever let anyone in. I was in a world full of hurt and didn't even realize it. Over time the girls that lived in my hall broke through that wall and today they are still some of my best friends. I chose.. ok the Lord told me to pick.. the major going into DBU of Christian Studies because i loved serving in the church and i wanted to learn more about God. Little did i know that by learning about God He would change so much in me and teach me so much along the way. These amazing friends of mine through my 3 years at DBU walked with me every step of the way... mostly because in a dorm... you never get away from each other ;) I learned what God fearing relationships are supposed to look like. They poured into me and in turn i learned how to pour into others and i adore them for that. God used each and every one of them in a different way and i see that now. He used every chapel, every class i thought was annoying and receptive and every conversation that lasted a little to far into the night. It turns out God had a plan all along with my major and minor He chose for me when i fell in love with psychology and counseling. Every step i took through life, every stumble, every bad decision i wish i could've taken back i learned He uses to glorify Him. There have been so many circumstances that i start talking to someone and end up giving them advice for something i once wished i could have forgotten i had done. It is funny how things come full circle to us small minded humans. We all know God has a plan for us.. the verse Jeremiah 29:11 is practically ingrained in every student that walks on DBU campus.. and yet i am still left in baffled awe every time He does this. When God told me He wanted me to go on my church's mission trip to India.. i seriously thought He was kidding. I always thought i would go to Mexico, or South America. After all i was a Bachelor of Arts and was studying Spanish. I already knew the language... so my frail human mind obviously thought that's where He would place me. Like i actually could ever predict the actions of the God of the Entire Universe. But no He wanted me to go to the opposite side of the world.. literally it is. To a culture that is 180 degree different from the one i am used to. He wanted to teach me patience in the midst of utter chaos, that investing in people is the most important, that different doesn't mean wrong, how to find joy in the little things and how to love people in the midst of frustration. He wanted to put me in circumstances i thought were impossible to get through so i could finally learn to let go and watch Him work His magic. He wanted me to physically feel His protecting arms around me and His armor cover me piece by piece. And it is because i can look back at these things the Lord has done in my life and in the Scriptures that i know i am in good hands. I know that i have been sent home to live with my parents for a reason. I know that this semester of rest he has called me to is for a reason... despite my many protests. And i know that His promises do not end here. I heard a quote while listening to Bethany Hamiliton speak a couple weeks back that shook me, "What is often seen as a step back in the world's eye is often seen as a huge step forward in God's." How true is this?! It helps me remember not to set my eyes on the world's definition of happiness. A new car, an apartment or home of my own, a 9-5 job that pays great, a husband and 2.5 kids does equal happiness and success. I have been called to so much better than that. I have finally embraced the lesson the Lord has been trying to ingrain in me during this season of change... contentment. When my whole life has seemed to change.. He is my constant. When all my friends have started a new semester at DBU or have moved on to other things in life and Satan tries to make me feel alone.. He is right there beside me. And it is complete blasphemy for me to think that by me worrying, becoming depressed, annoyed or angry could truly change anything at all. This is not representing Christ, infact it is the opposite. The joy of the Lord is truely my strength. The only true happiness anyone can find is found in Christ and Christ alone. All you have to do is let go and fall into His wonderful embrace.

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4 weeks down, 12 more to go...

Well.. here i am.. four weeks into my last semester at DBU. It is bitter sweet most definitely. I will miss all these people that have become my family for the past 3 years ... although it feels like it has been much longer for some reason... I now find that while i am hanging out with friends, going to the cafe, doing all nighters, and homework late into the night with my DBU girls i am trying to just soak it all up knowing how much i will miss it when i am done. I think that is what is helping me hold on! Because honestly this is by far my hardest semester to date. Along with 12 hours of class, 2 internships and a 10 hour a day, 20 a week part time nanny job, my plate is full! Because of my schedule i start and finish homework late into the night and tend to get little sleep. But through it all the Lord has been so faithful! One thing i have been adiment about is that i always spend time with the Lord, no matter how late, no matter how tired. Trust me there are nights that they are MUCH shorter, or i make myself do it BEFORE homework so i know i will do it. But even when i fall asleep, or am just too plain exhausted. He has been romancing my heart through it all. Encouraging me when i think i can't take it all anymore. In fact i must confess this weekend was a tough one. I had pushed myself SO incredibly hard during this past week literally to exhaustion and it overwhelmed me knowing i had 12 more weeks of this to go. And to top it off I missed an important event at my church that i really wanted to be at due to said exhaustion. I felt so guilty for missing it, and even more so when i went to church this morning. But the Lord was still faithful. He reminded me that i need to keep to the goal i have this semester, to graduate. And that i am serving HIM and not anyone else and this what He has for me at this season of life. To hear his words "this is just a difficult season in your life, you won't always be here, you can't always be everywhere all at once my dear, that is my job." Just released all guilt, anxiety, and stress i had once had. So as i look towards this next week, a mound of undone homework, and a week of sleepless nights again. I cling to 3 amazing verses that will pretty much be my life verses till i walk that stage.

Exodus 14:14 - "The Lord will fight for you; you need only to be still."

Exodus 33:14 - " The Lord replied, My presence will go with you, and i will give you rest."

2 Corinthians 12:10 - "But he said to me, “My grace is sufficient for you, for my power is made perfect in weakness.” Therefore I will boast all the more gladly about my weaknesses, so that Christ’s power may rest on me. That is why, for Christ’s sake, I delight in weaknesses, in insults, in hardships, in persecutions, in difficulties. For when I am weak, then I am strong."

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Till this season is over i will keep spending my sweet moments with the Lord. To be honest there is no greater feeling than having a rough day and being able to hand it all over to Him and start new again. Without Him this semester i would most definitely quit it all. But with Him i know i will be just fine. To be honest i am kinda grateful for this hard semester, otherwise i wouldn't get these sweet moments with my Jesus. So my encouragement for all of y'all reading is to find a college student close to you and encourage them... its not as fun and easy as it looks. ;-)